P Diddy, Christianity and the Politics of Forgiveness
What does the Christian community's reception to P Diddy's apology teach us about forgiveness and patriarchy?
Recently, egregious video surfaced of P Diddy assaulting his former girlfriend Cassie Ventura.
Like many celebrities who participate in abhorrent behavior, P Diddy quickly released an apology video.
Many have noted that P Diddy’s apology focused on himself and “God’s mercy and grace.” It centered how his pain led to a breakdown in his behavior. It focused on absolution and “doing the work,” but it failed to focus on accountability, it failed to recognize his agency concerning his actions and behaviors, and it failed to address Cassie’s experiences of trauma and harm. It’s worth noting that until this video surfaced, Diddy denied all allegations made against him.
Despite the glaring holes in his apology and a clear lack of true remorse concerning his behavior, many commenters suggested that Diddy is deserving of immediate forgiveness.
These comments are an indicative of a larger issue concerning the intersection of God, patriarchy and forgiveness.
I belive that both within the church and our broader society, forgiveness is a tool weaponized by male abusers to insulate power, maintain the status quo, and perpetuate harm.
Who is Redeemable?
In our churches and society, redeemability is directly tied to identity.
For example, In Voices From American Prisons, Professor Kaia Stern argues that Black people receive longer prison sentences because Black communities are unstood as less redeemable and forgivable. Even slavery was predicated upon the idea that Black peopl are naturally spiritually cursed and thus unworthy of a dignified life.
Within fundamentalist churches, women are often framed as “spiritually lacking” due to the fact that Eve ate the apple in the Garden of Eden. In fact, many churches still do not ordain women because of this “original sin,” suggesting that women are not capable of redeemability and are inherently spiritually deficient.
Additionally, LGBTQ+ people in the church are framed as sinful, lacking spiritual purity and unfit for spiritual leadership.
Forgiveness and redeemability are tied to hierarchy and spiritual authority. When we frame certain people (men) as redeemable while framing other communities as spiritually less-than, patriarchy is protected and upheld.
Everyone else must live up to a certain standard of human decency, while men are allowed to harm and seek forgiveness with impunity.
When men can enact harm and abuse and then maintain power and authority through performative apology, they are able to continue their abuse behind a smoke screen of “personal transformation.”
Even TD Jakes, who was recently accused of partaking in problematic behavior at Diddy’s parties said “I didn’t do it, but if I do do it, the Blood of Jesus already washed it away.”
This chronic focus on immediate forgiveness and absolution while circumventing accountability is violent, dangerous, and creates a world where men can harm, feign accountability and then revert back to the same behavior.
Forgiveness and Transformative Justice
I believe many Christian frameworks of forgiveness are faulty due to the fact that they often focus on supporting the harm-doer while forcing the harmed person to immediately forgive. This framework is ultimately violent and oppressive to the harmed.
As a young girl in the church I would always hear my pastors say, “We should forgive someone who harms us 70 X 7.” I believe we are conflating forgiveness with repentance.
One can repent to God and receive an internal sense of forgiveness, but this does not take the place of the relational work of accountability and the deep work of personal transformation. Nor does it mean that someone should be saved from the consequences of the harm they caused.
I believe many churches would benefit from implementing a transformative justice approach to harm. Transformative justice frameworks focus on the harmed party. Transformative justice centers upon the victim’s experience and requires an unwavering commitment to transformation from the harm-doer.
Reflection Questions
What is your personal conception of forgiveness? Where does it come from?
How has forgiveness played a role in your life and your relationships?
How is your conception of forgiveness evolving and transforming?
How is forgiveness tied to systemic inequality and the maintenance of power?
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